for coming together, not splitting apart
We-focused couples therapy
I help couples reconnect with their “we.” Together, we reconnect with why you first came together and what you appreciate about one another, not just the problems you’re having today. To rekindle the feeling of “that’s my person.”
We’ll identify the parts of each of you that are adding to the relationship and the parts that may be unconsciously holding you back from what you want. We’ll help you to get to know each other’s “user manual” so that you aren’t accidentally tripping over each other so much.
Along the way we’ll probably talk about communication and household chores, but those won’t be the focus of our work. Reconnecting and re-appreciating one another will be, as well as how to navigate conflict without burning down the house.
I have lived experience of the difference that “we-focused” couples therapy can make on reducing stress and increasing joy in everyday life, and I enjoy helping others to experience this as well.
Some things you or your partner might be feeling or wondering.
Does this SOUND FAMILIAR?
✓ It feels like I have to choose my kids or my relationship.
✓ Why do I keep picking the same partner when they seem so different at first?
✓ If they just understood how I feel, everything would be okay.
✓ Why can’t they just do this one thing that is so important to me?
✓ It doesn’t feel like they even notice me any more.
✓ How can I blend families with my partner without losing myself or my sanity?
My approach to couples therapy
You don’t have to be “fixed” for your relationship to feel good.
For most of my life, I turned to intellectual understanding to address my problems, but it never fully worked and it definitely didn’t get me closer to people. Now I see insight as a part of the journey, valuable but incomplete without new experiences that heal the pain at the source. I have lived experience of the profound difference that emotion-focused and attachment-based healing can make in overall joy, both individually and in relationship.
The most selfish things you can do is to take care of each other.
I won’t be a blank slate that replicates the “not known” feeling you may experience in the world. Therapy is a relationship and like any other relationship, it depends on trust. I strive to create a safe place where you can explore the parts of yourself that may have been hiding and practice what it might be like to let them emerge into the light.
Relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all.
I’ve lived and raised my children in the Silverlake area of Los Angeles for over 20 years, after growing up in Berkeley and living in San Francisco for many years. My partner and I share an imperfectly blended family of five combined mostly-adult children entering their own independent lives, as well as our shamelessly friendly pit bull, Bruno.
There isn’t “good” attachment and “bad” attachment.
That deep love of people and their stories informs my work as a therapist. Much like our most beloved fictional characters, we are imperfect beings having a human experience in striving to be our best selves but frequently falling along the way. I see these experiences as strengths and I welcome all the parts of you in our work together.
You need to know your partner’s user manual — and use it.
As someone who has experienced transformational change in my own life, I am an unabashed believer in it. The therapeutic approaches that I practice focus on healing at the source, not changing your behavior or coping with your emotions.
Let’s Work together
Common questions
If you’re considering relationship counseling for the first time or you have had a not-so-great experience in the past, it may bring up worries. I’ve tried to address some of the most questions, but if you have others, feel free to reach out for a free consultation.
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become your own guru
Are you ready to explore meditation on a deeper level?
Let me help you in this unique way.