For finding your way back to each other
We-focused couples therapy
I help couples reconnect with their “we.” Together, we’ll explore why you first came together and what you appreciate about one another, not just the problems you’re having today. To rekindle the feeling of “that’s my person.”
We’ll identify the parts of each of you that are adding to the relationship and the parts that may be unconsciously holding you back from what you want. Along the way we’ll probably talk about communication and household chores, but those won’t be the focus of our work. Learning how to work together will be, as well as learning how to navigate conflict without burning down the house.
I have lived experience of the difference that “we-focused” couples therapy can make on reducing stress and increasing joy in everyday life, and I enjoy helping others to experience this as well.
Does this sound familiar?
✓ If they just understood how I feel, everything would be okay.
✓ How can I be in relationship without losing myself?
✓ We need better communication.
✓ It doesn’t feel like they even see me anymore.
✓ It drives me crazy when my partner retreats every time there’s conflict.
✓ I’m responsible for all the emotional labor and I’m tired of it.
✓ I’m sick of being criticized all the time and I just want some fun back.
✓ It feels like we’re just roommates or co-parents now. I miss feeling wanted.
✓ Why do I keep picking the same partner when they seem so different at first?
My approach to couples therapy
You need to know your partner’s user manual — and use it.
Partners in a relationship rarely operate by the same rules. We’ll work together to help you to get to know each other’s “user manual” so that you aren’t accidentally tripping over each other so much, and can learn how to get the best experience from and for each other.
You don’t have to be “fixed” for your relationship to feel good.
It’s about learning how you each work — and how you can work better together, with a shared purpose and mutual appreciation and trust. The goal is a secure-functioning relationship, not two perfect people.
The most selfish thing you can do is to take care of each other.
Often people come into couples therapy with a list of things they need from their partner. It may sound counterintuitive but the most self-beneficial thing you can do in partnership is often to set that aside and learn how to create safety and security for your partner while they do the same for you.
There isn’t a “good” attachment style and a “bad” one.
I work from an attachment-based approach, but that doesn’t mean that any one attachment style is better than another. It’s about appreciating how you and your partner may have come to respond the way you each do and learning how to help each other feel safe rather than continually setting off each other’s threat detection system.
I have experienced firsthand the difference that couples therapy can make in quality of life.
As someone who has been in long-term marriage with children, then divorced, and now partnered in a blended family with five mostly adult kids, I bring experience of what it takes to sustain partnership not in theory but in real-world practice amidst all the curveballs that life can throw at you. Applying the principles I share with my clients helped my own partnership to weather a challenging season and be transformed into a source of strength, peace and joy. I strive to offer a similar experience to the couples with whom I work
Ways to work together
Weekend Couples Intensives
For partners who want to jump start their work together, help break through a stuck pattern, or have a specific issue to work through.
Three days of 3 hours each, with a follow-up 3-hour session.
fee upon request.
Weekly Couples Therapy
In-person couples therapy in Silver Lake (on the East Side of Los Angeles) or virtually across California.
$225 for 50 minutes
or $340 for 75 minutes
sliding scale available. Please inquire if you feel you qualify.
schedule a consultation
Curious what it would be like to work together?
I offer a free 15-minute Zoom or phone call, so that you can have an experience of what it’s like to work with me. If we don’t have that click, I am also happy to offer referrals to colleagues that may be a better fit.